This week’s episode is all about money. It’s an interview with financial advisor Sian MacInnes FPFS which is all about the difficulties we have in dealing with the subject.
Personally I have always felt vulnerable around the issue. I have that internal conflict, which I suspect many writers and artists have, of feeling anxious about money, but at the same time making life choices which don’t guarantee any kind of financial security. Or ‘being a writer’ as it’s known.
And I think, as I identified in the programme, my reluctance to deal with it until very recently was driven by feelings of failure. If I could not afford to retire, then what, really, had my life been all about? I’ve been re-reading two Cyril Connolly books – Enemies of Promise and The Unquiet Grave – and the reason I read them every now and again is, I realise, not because they are good (they are actually self-indulgent and most of his judgements are wrong): it’s because his picture of a writer’s life – writing under the shade of a plane tree on a terrace in the south of France, eating fresh peaches and sipping a glass of Eau de Vie – is a romantic fantasy of how I wish my life had turned out. Perhaps I will have times like that, who knows? I suspect that they wouldn’t fix any of my problems or, indeed, help me to write better.
My point is that fear of finance and feelings of failure go hand in hand. We measure ourselves by money and, by extension, by the life which the money provides. But our value does not lie in our bank account. And I don’t think my writing would be much improved by living in France and drinking strong alcohol in the afternoon. Although I am still very willing to give it a go.
Anyway, I think that, by accident and through no input from us, we have produced one of our most helpful episodes.